Ella’s Story: Finding Safety, Trust, and Recovery

Early struggles‍

I started drinking in 2004, when I was in Year 8, at the weekends, and would, the majority of the time, be carried home covered in sick.

I went to college and moved on to Class A drugs and would drink almost every day.

I did a course in hospitality, and the teacher moved me down a qualification because I would always drink and use drugs, and she didn’t want me to not pass.

I then got a job in hospitality doing room service at a five-star hotel. Everyone was a lot older than me, and we would always go for a drink after work. I would have no sleep and would call in sick. I was buying drugs off my manager.

Impact on life‍

I had a boyfriend and got anorexia, and we broke up. When I got better, we got back together. I hadn’t been out for ages and was completely oblivious to the fact that they were all taking cocaine. Eventually, I joined in and realised I didn’t struggle with my eating disorder anymore, as the cocaine kept it all quiet.

I would go on four-day benders until I had no money but would still work.

I relapsed with my eating disorder, lost my job, and started taking drugs every day. I went on big benders with no break, and it negatively affected all aspects of my life. I couldn’t pay the bills, the rent was always paid late, I got into more toxic relationships, and had to move in with my mum.

Attempts at recovery and further decline‍

I went to rehab and relapsed the day I came out.

Mum threw me out, and I ended up living in a hostel. I went into treatment again but put myself into unsafe situations. I moved areas, and the cycle just got worse and worse. I moved to Jane’s Place.

After a while, I left Jane’s Place to live in a squat with no water, and then ended up back at Jane’s Place. They referred me to Next Chapter (The Nest).

Finding a turning point‍

I was scared and didn’t know I wanted to get better until I got there. In reality, I had no other option.

When I arrived, I actually felt safe and relaxed — I didn’t have to be scared anymore. I had a proper home.

It gave me a warm feeling, and for the first time, I put my trust in other people — it’s like I handed the reins over to them. For once, I thought I would see what happens and thought, "What have I got to lose?" It wasn’t easy, and I struggled at times, but it was worth it.

Building a new life‍

Next Chapter have never given up on me, even when I had given up on myself. They have taught me how to live again. I have learnt how to set boundaries now, how to have sober conversations, smile, laugh, and slowly start to trust the people wanting to help. I am learning how to be assertive and how to have a bit of hope. I have managed to stay clean for over a year — the first time since 2004.

I take my medication properly every day. I have a dog and my own flat.

I have relationships and conversations with my family now. Next Chapter taught me to be kinder to myself and that we deserve recovery.

I attend online AA meetings at least four days a week, and that really makes a difference. I stay in touch and attend the ex-resident coffee mornings and am really positive for my future.